Parenting Techniques For 2020

Parenting experts are beginning to wonder if the ‘wooden spoon’ method may have some limitations in it’s utilisation in child discipline.  In controlled government funded testing, subjects have responded ‘inconsistently’ and numerous spoons have been broken in the process. 

Here are 6 other examples of tried and tested parenting techniques which may yield better results for your family in 2020:

  1. ‘Relaxation Corner’ Rather than sending your child to the ‘naughty step’ or putting them on a ‘time out’, a more positive disciplinary technique is to arrange a corner in your family room with a pillow, stress ball, punch bag, some non-lethal weapons etc, so that the child can ‘express their feelings’.
  2. ‘Sleepy Bobo’ – This method is consistently effective regardless of the child’s age.  Simply dissolve some sleeping tablets in their favourite drink*. 

*If their favourite drink is Red Bull, results can vary.

  1. ‘5/50’ – Parent can only use 5 words to get the child to time out, i.e. “Timeout NOW, you little brat!” (shaking clenched fist as you spit the words through gritted teeth) and put the child in time out for 50 seconds. The purpose is to avoid engaging in a power struggle with your child.
  2. ‘When-Then’ – Child is rewarded once he follows through on a specific behaviour i.e. “When you finish your dinner, then you can go back to sweeping the warehouse.”
  3. ‘Broken Record’ – Parent simply repeats the same phrase as though suffering a mental breakdown until the child resorts to entertaining themselves.  If you know any random phrases in a foreign language, this is the time to utilise this dormant knowledge as speaking in tongues is especially effective here.
  4. ‘Plastic Spoons’ – Only as effective as wooden spoons, but much more durable.  Considerably more damaging in the long term, contributing to growing problem of ocean plastics.

9 thoughts on “Parenting Techniques For 2020

  1. Reblogged this on Mitch Teemley and commented:
    My Featured Blogger this week is Paul Montgomery of Newspeak. As his site’s title implies, Paul writes about news events, as well as sociology, pop culture and, well, whatever he can put his patently snarky spin on. Because, although I don’t know much about this clever, opinionated Brit, I do know he’s opinionated and funny. As are most idealists (including, ahem, yours truly). If you read many of his posts, you’ll discover Paul is passionate about covertly supporting what’s good and, not-so-covertly exposing what he believes is wrong, or simply begging to be made fun of (see post below).

    Like

  2. Love it! Parents need some alternatives when their kids get smart enough to hide the wooden spoons. (Don’t ask me how I know this …)
    One of my favorite suggestions that I’ve seen lately is, instead of taking away a child’s phone or tablet, take away the recharger. Or, as a general practice when the children are old enough to understand, some parents routinely let their kids charge their devices only once a week, thus training them to set priorities and exercise self control.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Putting the child in the corner or on the naughty step required parental supervision. Same with time out, and the screaming and “I’m sorry” chatter interrupted my yoga or my TV show. The ball gag was difficult to apply, and I don’t have that many wooden spoons…and they don’t make them like they used to. I used the dope slap. Gibbs does that on NCIS. CPS does not approve of that method. They had all my neighbors at their windows with binoculars. Threats seem to work for a while…”You better do your homework or I’ll shave 1/2 your head tonight!” Then the Mohawk became popular. Spanking was quick and effective for about 3 weeks. The obvious answer then is to turn them over to the preschool teachers, then elementary, junior high, and high school teachers. That way, if they don’t turn out right, it’s Society’s problem!

    LOL!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. A technique developed by the parents of a three-year-old (and subsequently appropriated by the US military) has become commonly known as “waterboarding”. Unfortunately, the method yielded similarly shaky results in obtaining useful intelligence data as it did in correcting behavior such as the drawing on bathroom walls with their own feces. On to something new.

    Liked by 1 person

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