Deepfake Video Portrays Bezos, Musk As Egomaniacs

A disturbing ‘deepfake’ video has gone viral on the internet today.  The eerily real looking ‘mockumentary’ portrays Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos as slightly nutty billionaire egomaniacs. 

In a hilariously OTT moment at the start of the clip, Elon Musk, (smoking weed, while discussing his own Rap single about a gorilla!) is heard calling Bill Gates “underwhelming” because he bought a Porsche rather than a Tesla.

The video takes a darker turn however when Musk is portrayed as a complete lunatic, claiming that he believes humanity might actually exist within a computer simulation akin to the Matrix.  “It would seem that the odds that we’re in ‘base reality’ is one in billions.” 

Jeff Bezos is also portrayed in a less than flattering light.  As the richest man in the world he obviously ensures that his company, Amazon, rewards its staff with very generous pay and benefits, however in the fake video it is implied that some staff work on zero hour contracts with harsh working conditions, all while he enjoys his vast wealth. 

The mockumentary suggests that rather than using his wealth to improve the lives of his employees, Bezos, like Musk, invest huge sums in ridiculous sounding companies involved in space travel as well as health start-ups whose aim is to ‘halt aging’ in humans with the goal to allow those with enough resources to live forever.  

In one particularly haunting moment, a smartly edited clip purports to show hundreds of employees apparently leaving an Amazon warehouse and walking up to 12 miles to get home to apartments they can’t afford to rent, while Bezos travels by helicopter to purchase another new house he doesn’t need for £127million (0.13% of his net worth). 

The video ends with a straight faced Musk stating that his own company ‘Space-X’, plans to send humans on a one-way trip to colonise Mars within the next decade! 

Obviously the video is a ridiculous work of fiction from start to finish, but the growing fear is that the technology being used to create these ‘deepfakes’ could be used maliciously to create more believable videos that would fool large numbers of people. 

Imagine for example a video showing a CNN news anchor openly laughing at and mocking conservatives.  If a video like that were to be believed by enough people the damage to the company’s reputation would undoubtably be huge and obviously the news anchor would lose their job. 

Ironically Elon Musk has spoken on a number of occasions about the dangers of artificial intelligence.  In his usual sensible and understated style he advised at a recent forum that “AI is our biggest existential threat” and that it is “more dangerous than nukes.” 

“With artificial intelligence we are summoning the demon. In all those stories where there’s the guy with the pentagram and the holy water, it’s like yeah he’s sure he can control the demon. Didn’t work out.”

Elon Musk

Covid-19 Polls Higher Than Remaining Democrat Candidates

Following the latest televised debate one latecomer candidate has been skyrocketing in popularity.

Presidential Hopeful

In the last few hours Coronavirus has been topping the polls in terms of economic policies and moral issues.  It has a clean record on sexism in the workplace and although not without flaws, its history is well documented meaning damaging, last-minute revelations are thought to be unlikely. 

When compared to the remaining candidates Covid-19 does seem to have them beaten on most issues.  It proudly represents all the values the average democrat voter is looking for:

  • Not a billionaire
  • Not as annoying as Elizabeth Warren
  • Infectious personality
  • Contagious energy
  • Has never supported ‘stop-and-frisk’
  • Strong relationship with China
  • Less creepy than Biden
  • Better healthcare plan than Buttigieg
  • Lives and works in middle class neighbourhoods
  • No plans to make Hillary Clinton a running mate
  • Immune to ‘suicide’
  • Globalist, in favour of open borders
  • Strong focus on the weak and elderly members of society
  • Places no value on the life of unborn babies   
  • Not a white male

Senior people in the party are thought to be fast reaching a consensus, with one member saying, “I think when everything is taken into account, Covid is our least polarising candidate and the one who I think most voters will be able get behind.

“Remember the priority is to get rid of Trump.  Anything is better than Trump.”

The aspiring global pandemic and democratic presidential hopeful is reported to have offered to host the next debate on a cruise ship. 

“Not all Democrats are the same.”

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

Parenting Techniques For 2020

Parenting experts are beginning to wonder if the ‘wooden spoon’ method may have some limitations in it’s utilisation in child discipline.  In controlled government funded testing, subjects have responded ‘inconsistently’ and numerous spoons have been broken in the process. 

Here are 6 other examples of tried and tested parenting techniques which may yield better results for your family in 2020:

  1. ‘Relaxation Corner’ Rather than sending your child to the ‘naughty step’ or putting them on a ‘time out’, a more positive disciplinary technique is to arrange a corner in your family room with a pillow, stress ball, punch bag, some non-lethal weapons etc, so that the child can ‘express their feelings’.
  2. ‘Sleepy Bobo’ – This method is consistently effective regardless of the child’s age.  Simply dissolve some sleeping tablets in their favourite drink*. 

*If their favourite drink is Red Bull, results can vary.

  1. ‘5/50’ – Parent can only use 5 words to get the child to time out, i.e. “Timeout NOW, you little brat!” (shaking clenched fist as you spit the words through gritted teeth) and put the child in time out for 50 seconds. The purpose is to avoid engaging in a power struggle with your child.
  2. ‘When-Then’ – Child is rewarded once he follows through on a specific behaviour i.e. “When you finish your dinner, then you can go back to sweeping the warehouse.”
  3. ‘Broken Record’ – Parent simply repeats the same phrase as though suffering a mental breakdown until the child resorts to entertaining themselves.  If you know any random phrases in a foreign language, this is the time to utilise this dormant knowledge as speaking in tongues is especially effective here.
  4. ‘Plastic Spoons’ – Only as effective as wooden spoons, but much more durable.  Considerably more damaging in the long term, contributing to growing problem of ocean plastics.

UK Government Struggles To Spend Brexit Windfall

Britain is going to be £10.7 Trillion richer every year after stopping payments to the EU, but it’s hard to imagine that there’s any real need for the extra cash.

The prime minister is coming under increasing pressure to detail how the money will be spent, with some suggesting we should just continue making Aid payments to our poorer European neighbours.

The NHS is currently in great shape and in no need of extra funding (A&E waiting times are currently well below the 4 day target). The UK’s road network and general infrastructure are also world-leading, so it’s hard to see where the extra billions will go.

“We will continue to fund HS2 for a start”, Mr Johnson announced, “That’s likely to use up an additional £5 billion or so per year for the next 35-175 years.

“But I think we need a huge ‘flagship’ project to sink much larger sums of money into. That’s where the Northern Ireland to Scotland bridge comes in. After some consultations we understand that from an engineering point of view the scheme is definitely impossible, which makes it particularly appealing.

“We will start building at each end and when Scotland leave the UK to rejoin the EU we can blame them for the ultimate failure of the project.

“…that was off the record by the way. Off the record, you understand?”

Quotes about stairs, and elevators, and faith, and success.

Stairs

“Success is not an accident. It is sheer hard work. There are no short-cuts. You have to take the stairs and you have to start from the bottom.”

Rita Zahara

“Faith goes up the stairs that love has built and looks out the windows which hope has opened.”

Charles Spurgeon

“Failures are the stairs we climb to reach success.”

Roy T. Bennett

“You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”

Martin Luther King, Jr.

“There is no elevator to success, you have to take the stairs.”

Zig Ziglar

“10 flights??  Catch a grip..”

Me