Davos 2020 Review

The World Economic Forum meets each year in Davos-Klosters and is the ‘foremost creative force for engaging the world’s top leaders in collaborative activities to shape the global, regional and industry agendas’.  The gathering is generally acknowledged by the mainsteam media as the Illuminati operating in plain sight.  

Here are some of the highlights so far:

The theme for Davos 2020 is ‘Stakeholders for a Cohesive and Sustainable World’. 

With a main focus being on sustainability, many of those invited are not expected to arrive for a few weeks as, motivated by ‘Flight Shame’, they endeavor to travel using only sustainable means of transport.  

Even as many world leaders were still cycling towards Davos, Greta Thunberg took to the stage to deliver another withering attack on their efforts.  “Your quads should be burning right now…like, really on fire!” “You should be dying to stand up. You should really, really want to, but I’m not going to let you!” 

Prince Charles, was introduced to Ms Thunberg backstage and took the opportunity to ask if she would be willing to take on the role of Duchess of Sussex.  She reportedly responded positively to the idea, but said she would have to ask her dad.  

In a surprise appearance at the forum, Lego executives have announced the company will stop using plastic to manufacture it’s famous bricks and will instead be using recycled toilet paper.  “Following the success of McDonalds’ switch to paper straws we simply could no longer justify the quantity of plastic produced or the number of horrific foot injuries inflicted each and every day.”  The company has also advised owners of the legacy plastic ‘death’ bricks on responsible methods to dispose of them. “Do not throw them in the ocean, if possible.”

Shark stepping on a Lego

Donald Trump, still at odds with many on the issue of climate change, used the forum primarily to promote the deal he has signed with China.  “This is by far the biggest and most comprehensive deal made in the history of our country and even the world. We have signed an agreement that is not only historic in terms of trade but also includes a firm commitment from China to investigate corruption relating to Joe and Hunter Biden.”  “You should all be feeling very grateful.”

Canadian Immigration is increasing at an alarming rate after a husband and wife recently relocated to the country with their baby son.  This is a 300% increase on last year, and the country is contemplating declaring a state of emergency. “We may have to consider building a border wall, although we would make the United Kingdom pay for it.”  

Boris Johnson is notably absent at Davos this year, and the only member of his cabinet to attend –Sajid Javid the chancellor, is keeping a relatively low profile.  When asked why Mr Johnson had failed to attend Mr Javid declined to offer any explanation.  (Mr Johnson was photographed just last night in the back garden of Number 10, putting the finishing touches to a wooden model of a London bus).

Appearing to be more interested in promoting the UK government’s recently set up ‘GoFundMe’ page for the HS2 high speed rail project, Mr Javid said “We are asking countries to donate generously while at the same time reminding everyone that we still have nuclear capability.”

“Dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they’ll never take… our freedom!”

Donald Trump

Point Of No Return?

New warnings issued by experts who say tipping points are ‘dangerously close’.

World leaders are gathered again for a United Nations summit amid growing concerns over the crisis facing the globe.

“The point of no return is no longer over the horizon.”

Top scientists are warning that we are closer to reaching crucial ‘tipping points’ than was previously thought. It is believed the consequences of triggering certain tipping points may already be being felt.

Chart

As the chart above proves beyond any doubt, even a slight rise in the number of tweets questioning the logic, or effectiveness, of the ‘School Strike For Climate’ could push Greta Thunberg’s advisers and supporters to tears, triggering an immediate rise in salt water levels around the world. “The science is settled and this rise in sea levels will undoubtedly have a much more drastic affect on the younger generation, as they tend to be smaller.”

It is believed just a single blog post adopting a mocking tone could be catastrophic for the planet.

Greta has been variously criticised for not smiling enough, or for threatening deniers with setting their house on fire, but she stands by her statements. “How can they continue to deny the science when the evidence has been shared online for all to see?  If time travel is ‘fake science’ then how do they explain the photo of me in the Yukon goldmine?”

#fridaysforbacktothefuture

“This is all wrong. I shouldn’t be up here. I should be back in school, on the other side of the ocean.”

Greta Thunberg, TIME Magazine Person of the Year 1898.