Davos 2020 Review

The World Economic Forum meets each year in Davos-Klosters and is the ‘foremost creative force for engaging the world’s top leaders in collaborative activities to shape the global, regional and industry agendas’.  The gathering is generally acknowledged by the mainsteam media as the Illuminati operating in plain sight.  

Here are some of the highlights so far:

The theme for Davos 2020 is ‘Stakeholders for a Cohesive and Sustainable World’. 

With a main focus being on sustainability, many of those invited are not expected to arrive for a few weeks as, motivated by ‘Flight Shame’, they endeavor to travel using only sustainable means of transport.  

Even as many world leaders were still cycling towards Davos, Greta Thunberg took to the stage to deliver another withering attack on their efforts.  “Your quads should be burning right now…like, really on fire!” “You should be dying to stand up. You should really, really want to, but I’m not going to let you!” 

Prince Charles, was introduced to Ms Thunberg backstage and took the opportunity to ask if she would be willing to take on the role of Duchess of Sussex.  She reportedly responded positively to the idea, but said she would have to ask her dad.  

In a surprise appearance at the forum, Lego executives have announced the company will stop using plastic to manufacture it’s famous bricks and will instead be using recycled toilet paper.  “Following the success of McDonalds’ switch to paper straws we simply could no longer justify the quantity of plastic produced or the number of horrific foot injuries inflicted each and every day.”  The company has also advised owners of the legacy plastic ‘death’ bricks on responsible methods to dispose of them. “Do not throw them in the ocean, if possible.”

Shark stepping on a Lego

Donald Trump, still at odds with many on the issue of climate change, used the forum primarily to promote the deal he has signed with China.  “This is by far the biggest and most comprehensive deal made in the history of our country and even the world. We have signed an agreement that is not only historic in terms of trade but also includes a firm commitment from China to investigate corruption relating to Joe and Hunter Biden.”  “You should all be feeling very grateful.”

Canadian Immigration is increasing at an alarming rate after a husband and wife recently relocated to the country with their baby son.  This is a 300% increase on last year, and the country is contemplating declaring a state of emergency. “We may have to consider building a border wall, although we would make the United Kingdom pay for it.”  

Boris Johnson is notably absent at Davos this year, and the only member of his cabinet to attend –Sajid Javid the chancellor, is keeping a relatively low profile.  When asked why Mr Johnson had failed to attend Mr Javid declined to offer any explanation.  (Mr Johnson was photographed just last night in the back garden of Number 10, putting the finishing touches to a wooden model of a London bus).

Appearing to be more interested in promoting the UK government’s recently set up ‘GoFundMe’ page for the HS2 high speed rail project, Mr Javid said “We are asking countries to donate generously while at the same time reminding everyone that we still have nuclear capability.”

“Dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they’ll never take… our freedom!”

Donald Trump

Harry and Meghan Do Runner

It’s been a big week for Harry and Meghan!

The Royal Family have been completely blindsided and are said to be “hurt” at the Duchess of Sussex and husband Harry’s announcement that after “many months of reflection and internal discussions”, they will be managing their own Instagram.

It is understood they did not consult the queen.

In a rather short statement, the palace said there were “complicated issues” to work through. “They will probably need a new username and password and stuff.”

Harry also said they intend “to step back as ‘senior’ members of the Royal Family, and work to become financially minted”.

Despite the couple’s decision, Harry will remain sixth in line to the throne. Meghan has previously stated that were Harry to ascend the throne they will be making a trip to IKEA as the current chair is a “mingin’ gold colour.”

They now plan to split their time between the UK and North America, while “continuing to honour our duty to the Queen, the Commonwealth, and the destruction of the british tabloid media.”

“This geographic balance will enable us to raise our son with an appreciation for the royal tradition into which he was born, while also providing us with a good excuse not to have any more than the absolute minimum contact with Harry’s family, …I mean, do charity work.” Meghan said.

Meghan had recently opened up about her struggles with royal life and shared that her friends actually tried to warn her not to marry Harry. “My American friends were really excited that I was going to be a princess but some of my British friends were like, “Do you realise he’s ginger?” “They warned me it would ruin my life.”

“In all fairness, I had no idea just how ginger, which probably sounds difficult to understand,” she continues, “Because I’m american, I very naively didn’t get it.”

Interesting and exciting times lie ahead for the couple. At publishing time they have yet to post a ‘Which Disney Are You?’ Instagram story.

“Everything happens for a reason, but sometimes the reason is that you’re stupid and you make bad decisions.”

HM Queen Elizabeth II